Sunday, April 05, 2015

The diver and the ex-racehorse

Once upon a time, there was a woman who--like many women do--discovered horses later in her life and, once hooked, jumped in with her whole being. Then, a little bit later in life, she discovered scuba diving and--as with the horse fetish--dove in with all the enthusiasm previously laser-focused on soft noses and not landing on the hard ground.

Much hard work and cool sunglasses make for pretty poses.
 Why on earth she, er, I decided we needed two such gear-intensive, expensive hobbies could be worthy of a deep and philosophical conversation... or seven. Luckily, there just isn't time to figure out what I'm making up for with all of this because there's just too much fun to be had.

A gnome in scuba gear!
However, trying to balance the two interests has not been easy and--try as I might--there doesn't seem to be a way to do both things at once. I'm also pretty sure the warranty on my gear would not cover horse-induced damage like trampling or being dragged through the sand--probably with me still in it.

Forcing my horse to wear scuba gear in the name of art?
"Hey, Calabar.. why don't you hang out on the beach and wait for me while I go play underwater for an hour? Oh, and do you mind if I weigh an extra 70 pounds with all my gear on on our way out to the beach? What was that? Carry it my own damn self through the deep sand? Oh...um, okay."

It is plausible that he would hang out on the beach and wait for me. Maybe. Carrying the gear out is a definite no. He says he is NOT a pack mule and the beach is for rolling in the deep sand and running on the hard-packed sand, not for doing something silly like going underwater. Who would want to do that, anyway? Crazy human.

"You are out of your mind, silly little neoprene-clad human."
And Lena says things that inflate--like BCDs--are for eventers, not cow ponies. Notice there are no photos of her in anything resembling scuba gear, oh no.

"Oh, no. There will be no scuba gear on this beautiful face."
So until I find a way to merge my two worlds--which would likely incur the wrath of animal rights organizations across the planet--I'll just have to dive some days and ride other days.

Life could really be a lot worse.

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