Value

In starting to examine my professional future, I see the attitudes expressed in this article rear their ugly heads all too often. Really? Several things expressed here just hit me all kinds of wrong ways.

I do not have an MBA, or even a degree--though my transcripts show a lot of units and a strong (3.6+) GPA across many subjects--from math and science to history and English. Well-rounded, yes, but mostly just open to learning.

Work started for me at 15 and I've been employed fairly consistently since then because, frankly, I actually prefer contributing to my own livelihood. Apparently, Google and Apple would have rather I lived off my parents and interned at 19 instead of standing knee deep in mud building fencing. Of course, Apple was still in it's infancy back then, as were the founders of Google, but the elitist attitude of that particular item on the checklist grates on me. A lot.

My jobs have included food service, digging trenches, building fences, and weed-whacking for hours on end. On the more intellectual side, there has been software testing, figuring out and following computer code and logic, and even helping put together complex financial transactions. Most recently, I've learned to maneuver in the truly convoluted dimension that some call the healthcare industry, including a high success rate of getting things done within the CMS (Medicare/Medicaid) systems so my customers would get paid. It may seem like a simple thing, but it often means filtering the three different things you were told by three different people to come to the right solution.

I'm not afraid to get dirty. It is not beneath me to fill the paper-towel dispenser. Show me a new program or application and I'll figure it out well enough to run you reports and then give you reasonable feedback on the UI. Give me a draft of your marketing brochure and I'll clean up the buzz words and make you sound human and interesting.

Whatever you give me to do, you get my best in return. What I do well is get in and figure out how to get stuff done, or at least get you more information to move the ball forward--and not just off my desk.

If that's not good enough for Silicon Valley, well that's okay with me. Elitism, be it based on financial or intellectual merits, is self-defeating in any company. Not valuing people who get things done, even before they work for you but especially after, leaves you little to stand on when you need it most. I'm now lucky enough to work for someone who values that, so despite our recent woes, he gets to keep me.

There is much more to say on this subject but there are other things that need doing today. Besides, this is a HORSE blog, right? More on the ponies later, thanks for reading my rant!

A little more time to ride

It is important to think about what you ask for because sometimes you get it.

Work has taken a lot of my time and sapped a lot of my energy over the last year--especially the last six months or more. One client in particular represented 90% of my workload and stress--wake-me-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night type stress. "Have to remember this. Can't forget that. Oh! And the other thing!" I couldn't turn it off no matter how hard I tried. I kept trying to squeeze out time to ride, time to be with my family, but even when I had it, my brain wouldn't let go of work.

Last week, that client decided to "go a different direction" and that has resulted in a dramatic down-sizing of our operations and a temporary (I mostly hope) move to part time for me. (Luckily, still with health care coverage.)

You might ask, "Why mostly?" and that's a good question. 

Because I am no longer so exhausted and emotionally drained that I can't summon the energy to ride my horse.

Because my stomach doesn't clench when I wake up in the morning.

Because I get to work on different projects and problem-solve instead of chasing down the many pathways one client was broken.

Because I can focus on Steve and our home and enjoying each other. 

Because I can help ride Lena so she gets more attention and work--very good things for her and for me. It's really nice to ride a horse that knows a little more than Calabar does sometimes so I can focus more on what I need to learn.

It's also nice to leave work in the afternoon and have time to spend with all the loves of my life without rushing. Without feeling like I'm shorting one to tend to another. 

I don't know yet what will happen, I don't even really know what I want to happen. I just know I'm going to enjoy a little respite while I figure it all out. A respite full of ponies and maybe even a close look at writing opportunities out there. Who knows what might happen with a few more hours in the day?

Would I do it all again?

I have often contemplated whether--knowing what I know now about the challenges we've faced--I'd go the same route and choose Calabar as my trusty steed.

We were talking over dinner tonight--Steve, Katie, and me--about our horses, the personalities and training differences of all three--and Katie challenged me. With the schedule I have now, the commitment I need to put into my job, would I choose Calabar?

It gave me pause. He's needed all the time I've put into him. Heck, I needed that time, too. Would we be where we are now without it? Would I have survived the relationship without that investment?

It is hard to say. Hindsight obscures the hard times and what I have with him today is worth every bump, every bruise, every doubt I've had up to this point.

Could I have picked an easier horse? Of course. Could I have picked a horse that would watch and respond to my every move, as well as teach me as much as he has? That is doubtful.

If I'd been working then like I'm working now, it would have been different, more difficult. But what he offers me is warm oasis, a haven in the desert that sometimes surrounds me in my professional life. (Healthcare is really a mess, I have to say.)

Life offers opportunities and I think things tend to fall in where they should fit. Not always, mind you, but often enough.

There is no doubt in my mind that Calabar is my horse. Do I wish I had more time with him right now? Absolutely. Do I need to work as hard as I'm working for my company right now? No doubt. Is my goal to balance out the two because I value both? Heck yeah.

If I had not had the time and energy to spend with him before work got so crazy, we would not have the foundation we have now--a foundation that lets us take a few days off and start back where we left off.

I don't think he'll ever be a horse I can just show up and slap a saddle on and go. He needs more from me, just as I need more from him.

So would I do it all again, knowing all I know now? Yeah, I probably would. He's just too awesome to even consider a do-over.

Will he still love me tomorrow?

It's now been 3 days since I've been to the barn, and four since Bar got any work.

I am attempting to not feel guilty. I'm failing at the moment, but I know a) this will pass (we're hiring) and b) my horse will forgive me and be glad when I do show up to play with him. After he pouts a little and I've emptied the carrot bins of all the local grocery stores to make it up to him, of course.

There's also the fact that I may have the world's bounciest Thoroughbred when I do get there, which should be fun.

We've got a three-day weekend coming up and my boss has informed me he really would like me to take the entire time off (he himself is going to be skiing) and that is my intent. If I can just catch up in the next couple of days, it should work.

And if I can even just get close, that will be enough.

My pony needs me and I need him. Balance must be restored to my universe.

Bar and Forrest

Katie sent me this earlier today and I thought it was so cute. Until she told my my horse was biting her horse.

Apparently, Bar is the bossy one.

Dominant? Maybe a little.

I worked until 6:45 so didn't get to see my boy tonight. The boss is out of town until next week, though, so am hoping the chaos is kept at a reasonable level and I can get to the barn the rest of the week.

Both Bar and I need to burn off some energy, not to mention I need to remember the smell of dirt.

Night without horses? Oh no!

Work has been a little crazy lately. Okay, a lot crazy, and I've had some really long days. Usually, I start early enough that I can still at least smooch a fuzzy nose before going home, but not tonight.

Tonight I was lucky to get home in time for dinner, and I still have one last bit to do once the client's back-up is done running--hopefully soon.

That is a long way of saying I missed my horse tonight. I missed hearing his funny whinny, missed his ears-up-eyes-bright expression as I walk up to his paddock--me with a big, silly grin on my face, just as excited to see him.

Katie reported back to me, like a good daughter who knows her mom is a crazy, obsessive horse owner. She had ridden both Sammy and Lena, and said Bar was pouting when she left. He wanted to know why he didn't get to come out and where his human was on such a fine Northern California evening.

Staring at an Excel spreadsheet, actually, but sometimes one has to do these things. Horses need stuff, you know. Grain, shoes, saddles--my list is long. And my company is small and we all have to do a lot to keep things rolling along.

My horse doesn't care. He still pouts. Apparently when I don't come out, he pouts a lot.

I will have to make it up to him tomorrow. And probably the next day. And the day after that, too.